Recognize them as their own people

A few years ago, I was at Holy Mass with my two oldest girls.  It was just the three of us which is quite unusual.  We were saying, "...I confess to God and to you my brothers and sisters...".  All of a sudden, it struck me that these two girls standing next to me are my sisters in Christ.  They are so much more that just my children.  They are actual people completely independent from me.

Don't get me wrong.  Parents are very important to their children even when their children are grown.  And they are never really completely independent from us.  After all, we do mess with their minds for 18 or so years before they get free.  But, they are their own people.  It is important to see all of our children, no matter what age, as individuals with their own personalities, talents, ideas and vocations.  At some point, we have to see our adult children as adults.  Sometimes it is hard because we remember that they don't pick up their stuff and they still sleep with a stuffed animal.  We know their faults, the things they still don't do well, and the things they have not experienced yet.  How can they possibly be adults?  Especially since if they are adults, what does that make us?  Really old!

I still have a six year old so I can't be that old.  I don't know what excuse the rest of you are going to come up with but that is mine.   Oh, get over it!  Go dye your hair and learn to use a new app on your tablet!  We are only as old as we feel or act.

Those grown children of ours must be recognized as adults.  Try looking at them through someone else's eyes.  How does their employer look at them?  How do strangers interact with them?  What about other adults that haven't seen them in a while?

Watch them. Not with the eyes of a parent but just observe the way they do things.  Listen to them talk on the phone.  Watch their interactions with the waitress or the bank teller.  Notice something they do that you didn't teach them.  See the adult in them.  You might be surprised.  You might see a little bit of yourself sneaking out.  You could also see someone you have never seen before, someone who impresses you with their composure or their knowledge or whatever.

I'm not really sure when it happens or how but they do turn into adults.  I don't think there is a way to stop it either.  It is a new relationship we have with them and I must say as hard as it is, it can be just as rewarding as the previous one.  Have fun!