Guest lists

So Little Miss Grandbaby is getting baptized tomorrow. The planning of this event was, thankfully, not my responsibility. I helped of course. That is my job. I had nothing to do with the guest list, though. That was not my job. I did offer my services as listener when the guest list problems happened.

What is the protocol concerning guest lists for the next generation? Who from my guest lists are my adult children expected to include on their lists? I don't mean the Big guest list. I mean the more general list for smaller celebrations. And does the size of the immediately family make a difference?

Grandbaby has an interesting 'problem' when it comes to guest lists. She has 15 aunts and uncles. You add in their significant others and children, the grandparents, great-grandparents, and local great-aunts and uncles who are regularly involved in her life and you have quite the gathering. Any more and you have to start thinking about renting a hall. What about others? Should the next level of guest be expected to understand or to be invited?

When we have gatherings we invite all of the children's godparents. Some of the godparents are also family and one of the godfamilies include more than one godparent so we are not adding the whole 16 other people. All of these go on the Big list (that would be the wedding guest list, for clarification). Most of the women were also invited to the baby shower which was given by the grandmas and aunts, so not paid for by the young couple. When it comes to the baptism, which is paid for by the young couple with a new baby, are they expected to invite this layer of guests?  #1 decided to invite her godparents and #1sil's godparents but had to draw the line there. That brings the number of guests to around 45. If I were on the not-invited list, would I understand? I hope so. Especially if I really was not involved in the new baby's life much. If #1 asked me for advice on whether or not to invite my guest list, what would I say?

I suppose I could say that they had to be invited. But I don't think I would.  In fact, I didn't. I could say that they should be invited and I would help with the cost. I didn't say that either. I don't think it was my place. Our adult children need the right to create their own circle of support. They should be allowed to decide where to draw the line. They need to establish themselves and deal with the consequences. We need to uphold their decision.  I am not going to apologize to anyone for my adult children's perceived etiquette blunder. If I had a problem with it, I would privately tell the kids and then support their ultimate decision. But that is just me. I don't necessarily think the idea of adding guests and covering the cost is a bad idea. Seems like a good compromise. After all, it wasn't the kids' who went and had huge families. It just isn't the way we chose to handle it.  Would we have helped if asked? Absolutely. But we also respect their need to do this themselves in the way that works for them.

Of course, the situation did arise. Our #1 got some backlash for the guest list. She came to me with the decision they made. Did I agree? Doesn't matter. They made a decision based on sound reasons. It was not a bad, or wrong decision. My job was support.

Now I have to go make sandwiches for my granddaughter's baptism party.