Body image

So what did I learn today about parenting adult children?

Um, I don't know. 

Maybe we will look at body image. My oldest asked me the other day how to teach good body image. I asked her if she felt good about her body, if she had a good body image. We had a discussion about it. I have no idea how to accomplish such a thing. I guess we didn't get it horribly wrong because the girls seem to be relatively well adjusted in that area. 'Don't be a chauvinist. What about the boys?' you say. I have no idea. Do boys care? Hang on and I will ask them...They said they are good and some boys probably do worry about it but they really don't. So I guess we did ok with the boys too?

I shall tell you a story. Not to make you feel bad for me but to illustrate how we can influence how our children feel about themselves. Take from it what you will.

When I was little I was tiny until I was 4. Somewhere between 3 and 4 I ballooned to something like the 95th percentile in weight with no corresponding jump in height. During elementary school my grandparents would tell my sister not to have another glass of milk because she would end up looking like me. My cousin and his friend called me Helen the big fat watermelon.  Junior high brought being removed from class once a week to be weighed with the intent of helping us fat kids get not fat. By high school, one day while working as a cashier at the local grocery store, an older lady, one of my grandma's friends, coming through my line stopped me, took my hand, and while patting it said, "You would be such a beautiful girl if you weren't so big." So by graduation, I knew the regular stuff that one learns in school as well as the fact that I was smart and I better play on that because I certainly wasn't getting anywhere on looks. I was not pretty because I was fat.

Actually, I was relatively ok with that. I was smart. I dressed nicely because it was appropriate and I had to make the most of that first impression since I was not pretty.  I had quite  few really close male friends. I was safe because girlfriends didn't find me a threat. They came and went but I stayed so that was cool.  Then along came Steve. He was cute, and nice, and didn't seem to notice that I wasn't pretty.  

Fast forward to our wedding day. Now when Steve looked at me as I came down the aisle, I felt beautiful!  Even though I knew I wasn't, I felt it. Skip next to the day after Liz was born. Steve walked into our hospital room and from the look on his face I knew he saw a beautiful person, but not a physically beautiful person.

Again, don't feel bad for me. I was mostly ok with this. I was well aware that I had good qualities. Physical beauty was not one of them. Feel bad for my hubby. No matter how many times he told me that I was beautiful or how he told me, I did not believe him.  I believed he thought it was true but I knew it wasn't because I had 18, 25, 40 years of evidence that proved otherwise.

Fast forward again to now. Recently, someone from high school posted some throw-back pictures.  I noticed that there were several other girls in my class that were just as heavy as I was. Why was I singled out as the fat girl?  Then just a week or so ago, a cousin posted another throw-back picture of us cousins.  I noticed that I really was not huge like I had always believed or been told. Could it be that maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought? Could I be pretty, maybe just a little? I do have great hair, but that is a far cry from beauty. Then I caught a glimpse of someone in the mirror who was a little pretty...and it was me. Stupid, right? Then I came down stairs just a couple of days ago and Liz told me that the outfit I had on was 'super cute'.  When Steve got here he said I looked nice. What? Maybe I could be pretty even though I was overweight? Mind you, by this time in my life I am definitely overweight. But maybe loosing weight would not be useless in the beauty department?  Pretty in spite of heavy?

Probably, by now you are all starting a fund to get me a therapist. What did this story have to do with anything? Oh, yeah, we were talking about body image. Like I said, take from it what you will.